Exploring EdFringe's Most Popular Jokes (according to Dave TV), 2004-2019

Year	Num	Comedian	Surname	Search	Joke
2004	1	Susan Murray	Murray	smacked child grams	My parents are from Glasgow which means they’re incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child … well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night.
2004	2	Adam Bloom	Bloom	litter blind "pointed sticks"	Is it fair to say that there’d be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?
2004	3	Jimmy Carr	Carr	spare cancer research much done	A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, “Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?” I said, “All right, but we’re not going to get much done.
2004	4	Marcus Brigstocke	Brigstocke	dyslexic toga party goat	I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
2004	5	Andy Van-Der-Borgh	Van-Der-Borgh	"favourite flower" self-raising	You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She’ll go: “What’s my favourite flower?” And you murmur to yourself: “Shit, I wasn’t listening … Self-raising?
2004	6	Jeremy Limb	Limb	world dangerous boots punched	The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.
2004	7	Jimmy Carr	Carr	cats nine lives experimentation	Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
2004	8	Patrick Monahan	Monahan	iriah iranian family holidays customs	My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.
2004	9	Colin & Fergus	Fergus	diodo dodi di dando dido	The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died… Dido must be shitting herself.
2004	10	Scott Capurro	Capurro	prostitutes cat dance hind wrong enjoying	Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs. You know it’s wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they’re enjoying it as well.
2004	11	Chris Addison	Addison	distract fat piece cake	It’s easy to distract fat people. It’s a piece of cake.
2004	12	Arnold Brown	Brown	self-deprecation "not very good at it"	I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation – but I’m not very good at it.
2004	13	Milton Jones	Jones	chased police dog tunnel seesaw hoop fire trained	If you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They’re trained for that.
2004	14	Arnold Brown	Brown	door alarmed "think I feel"	I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign: “This door is alarmed.” I said to myself: “How do you think I feel?”
2008	1	Zoe Lyons	Lyons	"Amy Winehouse self-harms" irritating "do it for her"	I can't believe Amy Winehouse self-harms. She's so irritating she must be able to find someone to do it for her.
2008	2	Andrew Laurence	Laurence	skeleton cupboard beckham public	Most of us have a skeleton in the cupboard. David Beckham takes his out in public.
2008	3	Lloyd Langford	Langford	hippopotamuses kill people guns conceal	My girlfriend said 'did you know that hippopotamuses kill more people every year than guns?'. 'Yes,' I said, 'but a gun is easier to conceal'.
2008	4	Josie Long	Long	couple two three explains marriage	When I was a kid I asked my mum what a couple was and she said 'oh, two or three'. And she wonders why her marriage didn't work.
2008	5	Tim Vine	Vine	velcro rip-off	Velcro. What a rip-off.
2008	6	Stephen Grant	Grant	hypnosis chloroform syringe just talk woman	The Scots invented hypnosis, chloroform and the hypodermic syringe - wouldn't it be easier just to talk to a woman?
2008	7	Edward Aczel	Aczel	bird-flu killed people pandemic "hoping for"	So far Bird Flu has only killed 47 people. By the time it ends, it's going to have killed 37 million. It's got to get going, hasn't it, if it's going to be the pandemic we've all been hoping for.
2008	8	Joan Rivers	Rivers	grandchildren annoying cow pig supermodel	Grandchildren can be f****** annoying. How many times can you go 'And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink?' It's like talking to a supermodel.
2008	9	Tom Stade	Stade	"I like jesus" loves awkward	I like Jesus but he loves me, so it's awkward.
2008	10	Jeff Kreisler	Kreisler	outraged barack spiritual advisor jack daniels	People were outraged because of Barack Obama's spiritual advisor. I think it's great he had one. Who was George Bush's spiritual advisor? Jim Beam? Johnnie Walker? Jack Daniels?
2009	1	Dan Antopolski	Antopolski	hedgehogs "share the hedge"	Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge
2009	2	Paddy Lennox	Lennox	marathon runner chicken egg	I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'
2009	3	Sarah Millican	Millican	bra cocker up belong	I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong
2009	4	Zoe Lyons	Lyons	"dress to kill" "rose west"	I went on a girl's night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill.' I went as Rose West
2009	5	Jack Whitehall	Whitehall	dad "looking down" dead condescending	I'm sure wherever my dad is he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending
2009	6	Adam Hills	Hills	coffee prison sex rough	Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough
2009	7	Marcus Brigstocke	Brigstocke	iphones "bought one" "invent it"	To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it
2009	8	Rhod Gilbert	Gilbert	"spa hotel" normal reception picture pebble	A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble
2009	9	Dan Antopolski	Antopolski	"civil war" madagascar "seen it"	I've been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I've seen it six times and there isn't
2009	10	Simon Brodkin	Brodkin	started fights school (deficit OR ADHD) "didn't finish"	I started so many fights at my school - I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn't finish a lot of them
2010	1	Tim Vine	Vine	once-in-a-lifetime holiday "never again"	I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again
2010	2	David Gibson (as Ray Green)	Gibson	dating anorexics "Two birds, one stone"	I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone
2010	3	Emo Philips	Philips	"picked up" hitchhiker "hit them"	I picked up a hitchhiker. You gotta when you hit them
2010	4	Jack Whitehall	Whitehall	anti-bullying wristbands stole fat ginger	I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought' - I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid
2010	5	Gary Delaney	Delaney	"walk the plank" afford dog	As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog
2010	6	John Bishop	Bishop	supporter over-optimistic parents "fat kid" "sports day"	Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day
2010	7	Bo Burnham	Burnham	call kid "no arms" eyepatch names	What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names
2010	8	Gary Delaney	Delaney	drowned funeral wreath lifebelt wanted	Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted
2010	9	Robert White	White	feltz box chocolates empty	For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates - empty
2010	10	Gareth Richards	Richards	"wooden spoons" food write number walk pub	Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food, or if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub
2011	1	Nick Helm	Helm	password eight characters "Snow White"	I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
2011	2	Tim Vine	Vine	Crime multi-storey car parks wrong levels	Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels
2011	3	Hannibal Buress	Buress	"one day at a time" "how time works"	People say 'I'm taking it one day at a time.' You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works
2011	4	Tim Key	Key	McDonalds ("drive thru" OR "drive through") expensive car hire	Drive-Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought... once you've hired the car..
2011	5	Matt Kirshen	Kirshen	(play OR playing) chess make interesting stopped	I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess
2011	6	Sarah Millican	Millican	in your mouth you don't want "double standards"	My mother told me, you don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards
2011	7	Alan Sharp	Sharp	band "The Prevention" better "the cure"	I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure
2011	8	Mark Watson	Watson	"give up" food sex "not falling" again	Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife
2011	9	Andrew Lawrence	Lawrence	phone hackers "check my own voicemail"	I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can't even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails
2011	10	DeAnne Smith	Smith	died doing what loved heroin	My friend died doing what he loved... Heroin
2012	1	Stewart Francis	Francis	"gives kids a bad name" Posh Becks	You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks
2012	2	Tim Vine	Vine	"DVDs back to back" "facing the telly"	Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly
2012	3	Will Marsh	Marsh	"raised as an only child" annoyed (sister OR brother)	I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister
2012	4	Rob Beckett	Beckett	"working class" TV bigger book case	You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your book case
2012	5	Chris Turner	Turner	"good friends" 25 "don't know why"	I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet... I don't know why
2012	6	Tim Vine	Vine	"tanning olympics" bronze	I took part in the sun tanning Olympics - I just got Bronze
2012	7	George Ryegold	Ryegold	(porn OR pornography) "frowned upon" concentrating	Pornography is often frowned upon, but that's only because I'm concentrating
2012	8	Stewart Frances	Frances	documentary "how ships" together riveting	I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!
2012	9	Lou Sanders	Sanders	starter complained "rocket salad"	I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: 'It's not rocket salad'
2012	10	Nish Kumar	Kumar	olympics pessimism fancy chances	My mum's so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism... she wouldn't fancy her chances
2013	1	Rob Auton	Auton	"Chinese Wispa"	I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa
2013	2	Alex Horne	Horne	shoe recycling sole-destroying	I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying
2013	3	Alfie Moore	Moore	"same-sex marriage" sex "the same"	I'm in a same-sex marriage... the sex is always the same
2013	4	Tim Vine	Vine	"don't be Sicily"	My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him 'Don't be Sicily'
2013	5	Gary Delaney	Delaney	"cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell"	I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell
2013	6	Phil Wang	Wang	("doctor who" OR "dr who") "replaced by white men"	The Pope is a lot like Dr Who. He never dies, just keeps being replaced by white men
2013	7	Marcus Brigstocke	Brigstocke	fat "hug a child" lost	You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost
2013	8	Liam Williams	Williams	"universe implodes" "no matter"	The universe implodes. No matter
2013	9	Bobby Mair	Mair	Adopted never met mum lapdance	I was adopted at birth and have never met my mum. That makes it very difficult to enjoy any lapdance
2013	10	Chris Coltrane	Coltrane	lend "time machine" immediately	The good thing about lending someone your time machine is that you basically get it back immediately
2014	1	Tim Vine	Vine	hoover "collecting dust"	I’ve decided to sell my hoover... well, it was just collecting dust
2014	2	Masai Graham	Graham	"fat badger" set	I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set
2014	3	Mark Watson	Watson	"leave them wanting more" "disaster relief"	Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief
2014	4	Bec Hill	Hill	"sudoku toilet paper"	I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn't work. You could only fill it in with number 1s and number 2s
2014	5	Ria Lina	Lina	feminism "wouldn't let me"	I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn't let me
2014	6	Paul F Taylor	Taylor	"money can't buy" happiness "happy meal"	Money can't buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal
2014	7	Scott Capurro	Capurro	scotland oil "deep frying"	Scotland had oil, but it's running out thanks to all that deep frying
2014	8	Kevin Day	Day	"inflatable Michael Gove" arsehole	I forgot my inflatable Michael Gove, which is a shame 'cause halfway through he disappears up his own arsehole
2014	9	Jason Cook	Cook	"married for" years "made a decision"	I've been married for 10 years, I haven't made a decision for seven
2014	10	Felicity Ward	Ward	"perception and perspective" :depends how you look at it:"	This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it
2015	1	Darren Walsh	Walsh	deleted german names phone "hans free"	I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free
2015	2	Stewart Francis	Francis	Kardashian arse "Kayne West"	Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse... but enough about Kanye West
2015	3	Adam Hess	Hess	"every car" "people carrier"	Surely every car is a people carrier
2015	4	Masai Graham	Graham	hippo zippo heavy "little lighter"	What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter
2015	5	Dave Green	Green	"one thing" "desert island" "wounldn't go"	If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn't go
2015	6	Mark Nelson	Nelson	Jesus fed bread fishes tapas	Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas
2015	7	Tom Parry	Parry	"blue sky at night, day"	Red sky at night. Shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night. Day
2015	8	Alun Cochrane	Cochrane	wife keeper "massive gloves"	The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves
2015	9	Simon Munnery	Munnery	Clowns divorce. Custardy battle	Clowns divorce. Custardy battle
2015	10	Grace The Child	Grace	live dream naked exam	They're always telling me to live my dreams. But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for...
2016	1	Masai Graham	Graham	"donor card" "after my own heart"	My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He's a man after my own heart
2016	2	Stuart Mitchell	Mitchell	"old people" " no place like home" "put them in one"	Why is it old people say "there's no place like home", yet when you put them in one..
2016	3	Mark Watson	Watson	"happily married" years "out of" total	I've been happily married for four years - out of a total of 10
2016	4	Mark Smith	Smith	conceived "IKEA bed" "well lit"	Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit
2016	5	Will Duggan	Duggan	"pub quiz" liverpool beatles gerrard "came second"	I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn't much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer... came second
2016	6	Tiff Stevenson	Stevenson	Brexit cereal constipated	Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated
2016	7	Gary Delaney	Delaney	"often confuse" Americans Canadians "long words"	I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words
2016	8	Adele Cliff	Cliff	henry's wife toothmarks tudor	Why is Henry's wife covered in tooth marks? Because he's Tudor
2016	9	Annie McGrath	McGrath	aSSUME RICH private school posh loads money	Don't you hate it when people assume you're rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money
2016	10	Jordan Brookes	Brookes	schizonphrenia telepathy "I hear you ask"	Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask
2016	11	Michelle Wolf	Wolf	"Hilary Clinton" president "husband did it first"	Hilary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband did it first
2016	12	Roger Swift	Swift	"marmite van" yeastbound	I spotted a marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound
2016	13	Arthur Smith	Smith	instagram "efficient drug dealer"	Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer
2016	14	Zoe Lyons	Lyons	"unnatural" "eyes of god" "contact lenses"	I'll tell you what's unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses
2016	15	Phil Nicol	Nicol	"Elton John" Chinese "soya seems to be the hardest word":	Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word
2017	1	Ken Cheng	Cheng	"new pound coin" "hate all change"	I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change
2017	2	Frankie Boyle	Boyle	Trump Hitler "write a book"	Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book
2017	3	Alexei Sayle	Sayle	"rhetorical questions" "what's the point"	I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?
2017	4	Lew Fitz	Fitz	"girl next door" house "I find her"	I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her
2017	5	Andy Field	Field	umbrella brella hestitated	I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated
2017	6	Mark Simmons	Simmons	"Combine Harvesters" big restaurant	Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant
2017	7	Jimeoin	Jimeoin	rubbish names condition "name for it"	I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..
2017	8	Ed Byrne	Byrne	"two boys" "5 and 6" "naming things"	I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house
2017	9	Olaf Falafel	Falafel	close dad "before he died" trod landmine	I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine
2017	10	Alasdair Beckett-King	Beckett-King	"believe in co-incidences" "me neither"	Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!'
2017	11	Angela Barnes	Barnes	tricked wimbledon "mens singles"	A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event
2017	12	Adele Cliff	Cliff	meat disgusting grocer	As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer
2017	13	Phil Wang	Wang	dying camping "don't want to do it"	For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it
2017	14	Adam Hess	Hess	chameleons "on the ark"	I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark
2017	15	Tim Vine	Vine	"pretenders gig" "tribute act"	I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act
2018	1	Adam Rowe	Rowe	"get fired" "come in" "next day"	Working at the JobCentre has to be a tense job – knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
2018	2	Leo Kearse	Kearse	drilling holes water "well boring"	I had a job drilling holes for water – it was well boring.
2018	3	Olaf Falafel	Falafel	loan pay exorcism repossessed	I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don’t pay it back, I’m going to get repossessed.
2018	4	Daniel Audritt	Audritt	"treated like a piece of meat" "refused to touch me"	In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me.
2018	5	Flo and Joan	Joan	colourblind "eat their greens"	What do colourblind people do when they are told to eat their greens?
2018	6	Darren Walsh	Walsh	job collecting jumpers park moving goalposts	I’ve got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it’s not easy. They keep moving the goalposts.
2018	7	Justin Moorhouse	Moorhouse	trump wall failing DIY	Trump said he’d build a wall but he hasn’t even picked up a brick. He’s just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project.
2018	8	Adele Cliff	Cliff	argument tardis "little thing" "Much bigger"	I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it
2018	9	Alex Edelman	Edelman	Brexit "Great British Breack Off"	Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off?
2018	10	Laura Lexx	Lexx	love "central heating" "turn it on" pretend "all the time"	I think love is like central heating. You turn it on before guests arrive and pretend it’s like this all the time
2019	1	Olaf Fallaffel	Fallaffel	brocolli cauliflower florets	I keep randomly shouting out ‘broccoli’ and ‘cauliflower’ – I think I might have florets.
2019	2	Richard Stott	Stott	stole antidepressants happy	Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy
2019	3	Lambert	Lambert	round up cows 18 20	A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, ‘Yes, of course. That’s 20 cows
2019	4	Milton Jones	Jones	driving brexit duke	What’s driving Brexit? From here it looks like it’s probably the Duke of Edinburgh
2019	5	Ross Smith	Smith	thesaurus great "word for it"	A thesaurus is great. There’s no other word for it
2019	6	Simmons	Simmons	To be or not to be a horse rider, that is equestrian	To be or not to be a horse rider, that is equestrian
2019	7	Pulsford	Pulsford	learn semaphore flagging	After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging
2019	8	Adele Cliff	Cliff	escapology course "get out of it"	I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I’m really struggling to get out of it
2019	9	Ivo Graham	Graham	advent calender doors opened contacts	I’ve got an Eton-themed Advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad’s contacts
2019	9	Ros Smith	Smith	sleep favourite "reason I get up"	Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It’s the reason I get up in the morning

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